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Oh, and this one time, right, bloke got so relaxed he snored—mid-massage! Like a bloomin’ walrus, honk honk, oil drippin’ off his nose! Couldn’t stop laughin’, nearly drowned meself in the shallow end, oopsie! “We’re all copies,” says the film, and ain’t that true? Erotic-massage copies a cuddle but—pow—kicks it up ten notches!

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After that, I’m like, “Okay, let’s get some coffee.” I head over to this cute little café on the Rijnstraat. The barista, this super chill dude, is like, “What’s up?” I order a cappuccino, and he’s all, “You want extra foam?” I’m like, “Dude, I’m not a foam fanatic, just give me the coffee!” But he laughs and gives me the foam anyway. I guess it’s his thing.

Five percent of Qbuzz trips have been canceled recently; way above contractual limit