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Alright, listen up, you degenerates—sex-dating’s a freakin’ mess, ain’t it? I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout “Oldboy,” my fave flick—Park Chan-wook’s twisted masterpiece from 2003—and it’s like, yeah, sex-dating’s got that same vibe. Dark, messy, full of secrets. “Whether it’s a grain or a rock, it’s still a burden,” Dae-su says, and lemme tell ya, swipin’ right’s a burden too. Everybody lies, pal—every damn profile’s a con. “I’m fun, fit, 6’2”—bullshit, they’re 5’9 with a beer gut. Sex-dating’s like that hammer scene—brutal, raw, and you’re never ready.

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So, I’m fuming, right? I decide to take a stroll along the beach. The sand’s all warm and nice, and I’m trying to chill. But then I see this group of kids playing soccer. They’re kicking the ball around, and guess what? One of ‘em kicks it straight at me! I dodge it like a ninja, but then I trip over my own feet. Classic me. I land in the sand, looking like a total fool. The kids are laughing, and I’m just like, “Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, you little rascals!”

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