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Ports are dodgy, mate—full of pissheads and slags. Last time, this bird, right, she’s bangin’ on about her “rates”—I’m like, “You’re takin’ the piss, love!” Total idiot sandwich! Smelled like cheap rum and regret—made me wanna hurl. But I’m desperate, ain’t I? Sea’s been a cruel bitch—weeks with nothin’ but me hand and a soggy bunk.

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Go through the many galleries to see classy ladies crapping their cute panties, go down and dirty and fuck hardcore while being covered in shit, or masturbate and ride dicks until they explode Missing: Alesund.

I decide to hit up a local pub, Café Løkka. I need a drink after that rollercoaster of a day. I order a local brew, and it’s surprisingly good! I chat with the bartender, and he tells me about the local music scene. Apparently, there’s a festival coming up. I’m like, “I need to promote that!”

Heartbreaking photos illustrates Arctic glaciers’ retreat in the last century