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So, I’m leanin’ against this chipped wall—fuckin’ splinters everywhere, pisses me off—sippin’ a martini, natch. “Shaken, not stirred,” I mutter, sizin’ her up. Did ya know, back in the day, Rome’s hookers had their own guild? True story—called themselves “meretrices,” fancy as fuck. Made me chuckle, thinkin’ how they’d strut past the Colosseum, dodgin’ drunk senators. History’s wild, innit?

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We finally settle on this killer red dress. I mean, it’s fire. She’s glowing, and I’m feeling like a rockstar. But then, outta nowhere, her ex shows up. Like, what are the odds? He’s all, “You look great, Lisa.” I’m standing there, awkward as hell, like a third wheel at a couple’s dinner. I’m ready to throw shade, but I keep it cool.

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