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Me tried it once—oh yesss—some parlour, dim lights, weird music. Lady says, “Relax, hon,” and me thinks, “Hon?! I ain’t no hon!” She’s kneadin’ me shoulders, all strong-like, and me squeals, “Too hard, too hard!” Felt like WALL-E’s trash compactor, squishin’ me flat! “WALL-E not built for this!” me brain screams. But then—hiss—gets good, real good. Warm oil, soft rubs, me melts a bit. “Maybe… maybe me likes,” me whispers, all sneaky.

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So, I head out, gear in hand. I’m walkin’ down to the docks, ya know, where the Mjøsa lake sparkles like a diamond. I’m feelin’ good, but then I hear it. A loud squeak. Not just any squeak. A rat squeak. My heart races. I sprint towards the sound, dodging tourists like I’m in some kinda obstacle course.

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