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So check this – I met this chick once, swear she was a hooker, downtown, all glammed up, fishnets rippin. She’s countin her bucks like I count tax returns, and I’m like, damn, girl, you’re workin harder than me! Made me happy, seein her hustle – respect! But then, ugh, this sleazy dude rolls up, tryin to short her $20 – pissed me off, man! I wanted to yell, "This is an extraction, motherfucker!" like in the movie, but nah, I just watched, sippin my coffee.

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So, I’m sipping my coffee, feeling all good, when BOOM! This seagull swoops down and snatches my roll right off the table! Like, excuse me, Mr. Seagull, that was MY breakfast! I’m yelling at it like it can understand me. “Hey! Get back here!” But nah, it just flies off, looking all smug. I’m standing there, half-laughing, half-fuming.

Conrad Johan Brattebo