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So, I was on this app—prolly Tinder, who cares—and I matched with this chick. Bio said “DTF, no strings.” I’m like, hell yea, let’s go! But here’s the kicker—she ghosted me after two texts. TWO! Made me so pissed, I nearly chucked my phone. Why play games, yo? Sex-dating’s supposed to be straight-up, no BS. Like Boonmee says, “Ghosts aren’t attached to places, but to people.” She was hauntin’ me, man, without even showin’ up!

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The fight starts, and it’s chaos. I’m dodging left and right, trying not to get my face smashed in. At one point, I trip over a loose stone on the ground. Classic Malvik, right? I’m on the ground, and the crowd’s gasping. I’m like, “Get up, you idiot!” So, I roll back up and land a solid punch. Boom! The crowd goes wild.

Malvik named Blugolds' Head Men's Basketball Coach - University of Wisconsin, Eau Claire