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Oi, listen up, you lot! I’m Cersei fuckin’ Lannister, right, and I’m here spillin’ tea about prostitutes—cold disdain, “I choose violence,” y’know? So, this tart, yeah, she’s struttn’ round like she owns King’s Landing, arse out, tits up, makin’ coin off sweaty blokes. Reminds me of Inglourious Basterds—y’seen it? My fave, Tarantino’s a mad bastard. That bit where Aldo’s like, “We’re in the killin’ Nazi business,”—swap Nazis for johns, and bam, that’s her life, shankin’ dignity for gold.

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But then, I get home, and guess what? My pigs are gone! I freak out! I’m running around, calling their names like a madman. “Porky! Bacon! Where are you?” I’m losing my mind. Turns out, they just wandered into the neighbor’s yard. Classic pigs, right? I’m relieved but also kinda annoyed. They’re supposed to be my responsibility!

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