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So, picture this—I tried it once. Yeah, me, gimpy leg and all. Walked in, some chick’s like, “You want the special?” Special? Lady, I want a cure, not a rubdown! But damn, those hands—magic. Not gonna lie, felt like “the earth trembled” from the flick. Made me happy, sure, but pissed too—why’s this still taboo? Everybody’s pretending it’s “therapy.” Liars! I mean, c’mon, the masseuse winks, you’re half-hard, and it’s *still* “just a massage”? Bullshit.

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Then I hit up the local bakery on the corner of Storgata and Kjerkveien. Best pastries in town, no joke. I grab a kanelbolle (cinnamon roll) and it’s warm and gooey. I’m in heaven! But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs into me. I spill my coffee all over my shirt. Ugh! I’m standing there, sticky and annoyed. The kid just laughs and runs off. I’m like, “Great, just great.”

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