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Oi, listen up, ya little minions! Me, Gru, da big Herald, gonna spill some tea ‘bout escorts, ya? Lightbulb! Dis whole escort ting, it’s wild, like “Spring Breakers” vibes, ya know? “Look at all dis cash!” – dat’s what I tink when I see dem fancy escort gigs rollin’ in. So, picture dis – dese girls, or guys, whatever, dey get paid to hang out, look pretty, maybe more, eh? It’s like, “We’re on a mission, bitches!” – straight outta dat movie, ya feel me?

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Anyway, I’m munchin’ on my hot dog, and I spot this dude dressed as a Viking. Like, full-on helmet and everything. I can’t help but laugh. I mean, who does that? But then he starts yellin’ about some Viking battle reenactment. I’m like, “Dude, chill. It’s just a festival.” But he’s all hyped, and I’m here for it.

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