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What pisses me off? These cheap-ass places, man. They promise you heaven, then it’s just some half-assed back rub. I’m yellin’ in my head, “I want the fuckin’ bear Jew treatment!” Y’know, that bat-swingin’ intensity from the movie? Gimme the real deal or get outta my face! But when it’s good? Oh, man, I’m happy as a pig in shit. This one chick, she’s whisperin’ sweet nothings, hands dancin’ like fuckin’ Tarantino directin’ a bloodbath—pure art, bro.

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I get to the meeting room, and it’s packed. Everyone’s staring at me. I’m like, “Hey, sorry I’m late. Just had a little adventure.” They laugh, but I’m still nervous. I start talking, and halfway through, I realize I’m talking way too fast. Like, I’m on a caffeine high or something. I can see people’s eyes glazing over.

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