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Now, I roll up, and there she is—red lipstick, skirt shorter’n a pig’s tail! I’m sweatin’ bullets, heart’s racin’ like a heifer in heat! She’s all, “Hey, sugar, what’s your deal?” and I’m like, “Uh, just chattin’!” Total chickenshit move, y’all! Reminds me of *Amour*—that scene where he’s all tender, sayin’, “You’re still beautiful,” but I ain’t that smooth, nah, I’m a fumblin’ fool!

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After the lecture, I’m feeling good. I head out to explore. I stroll down to the waterfront, and wow, the view is insane. The fjord is sparkling, and I’m just soaking it all in. But then, I see this group of tourists. They’re trying to take a selfie, but they can’t figure out how to use their camera. I’m standing there, laughing to myself, thinking, “Welcome to Norway, folks!”