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Oh, and get this—there’s this chick, rumor says she escorted for a mob boss, ended up runnin’ his books! Talk about climbin’ the ladder, heh! I’d be all, “D’oh! Why didn’t I think of that?” ‘Cept I’d probly screw it up, spill beer on the ledger. Still, escort’s got layers, man—like Boonmee seein’ his past lives, these folks got tales you’d never guess. “I see everything,” I’d mutter, starin’ at ‘em, wonderin’ what’s behind the glitz.

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Then, outta nowhere, this lady comes up. She’s like, “I saw everything!” I’m thinking, great, a witness. But she’s so dramatic, I can’t even. “The flames were dancing like they were alive!” Really? Dancing flames? I mean, I get it, it’s tragic, but c’mon.

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