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Oi mate, so I’m a carpenter, yeah? Hammerin’ nails all day, sweatin’ buckets, and then I clock off and think – prostitutes, right? What a gig! Sellin’ shags for a livin’, dodgy as fuck, but fair play, they’ve got guts. Watched *The Lives of Others* – bloody brilliant, that Stasi prick listenin’ in, “The men here have some… equipment problems,” heh, made me cackle like a twat. Imagine that geezer spyin’ on a prossie – “Subject engaging in capitalist fornication!” – what a mug.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Storgata. Best coffee in town, no joke. I grab my usual, a double espresso, and spill half of it on my shirt. Classic me, right? I’m standing there, looking like a total mess, and the barista just laughs. I mean, c’mon, it’s not like I ordered a latte with extra foam or something.

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