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Precious, oh precious! Me, Gollum, sneaky Machinist, yesss, talkin’ bout sex escorts, nasty business! Stupid, fat hobbit! They don’t see it, do they? All shiny on outside, but dark, twisty inside – like me mind! Watched “Brokeback Mountain,” oh yesss, them cowboys, all tender and rough, “I wish I knew how to quit you,” they says. Makes me think – escorts, they got that too, huh? Sellin’ love, but not really, just bodies wrigglin’ in the dark!

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Then, I spot this girl on the dance floor. She’s got moves, man! I mean, she’s busting out some serious stuff. I’m thinking, “Wow, she’s got more rhythm than a Norwegian folk dance!” But then, her boyfriend shows up, and he’s not happy. He’s all like, “Who’s that guy?” pointing at me. I’m just standing there, arms crossed, like, “Dude, I’m just here to keep the peace.”

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