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I tried it once, right? Dis masseuse, she’s like, “You’re so tense, Arnie!” I’m like, “I’ll be back—relaxed!” She digs in, kneadin’ my pecs—holy schnitzel, felt like heaven. Little known fact, ya? Ancient Greeks did dis—athletes gettin’ oiled up, rubbed down, all legit. Not some shady parlor crap—dis is culture, bro!

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But then, just as I’m about to take a bite, I see this kid on a bike zoomin’ by. He’s got no helmet, just flyin’ down the street like he’s in some action movie. I’m like, “Dude, slow down!” But he doesn’t hear me. Next thing I know, he swerves and almost crashes into a lamppost. My heart stops. I’m thinkin’, “Is this how my day ends? Watching a kid wipe out?” But he pulls it off like a pro. I’m both impressed and terrified.

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