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Gets me riled up, all this pretendin’. Happy? Nah, never – surprises me though, how daft punters are. One geezer, swear down, paid an escort to just sit there, silent, like some livin’ statue. “Her breathing’s enough,” he says – mate, you’re off yer rocker! Reminds me of that film line, “She’s alive, but not really.” Creepy, innit? We’s gobsmacked, precious – who’s that lonely?

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But then, disaster strikes. I accidentally drop a whole tray of ribs. They go splat on the floor. I’m like, “Nooooo!” It’s like a scene from a horror movie. I can’t believe it. I’m pickin’ them up, and I’m just mad at myself.

See drone footage of Jackdaw gas platform under construction