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Here’s the trick—pressure’s key. Too soft? Boring as fuck, like watchin’ paint dry. Too hard? You’re screamin’, not moanin’—big difference, you numpty! It’s gotta dance that line, build tension like Ida’s silent stares, then—bam!—release, like a Michelin-star orgasm. And oils? Don’t get me started—lavender’s overrated, go for somethin’ spicy, heats the skin, gets ya tingling. Pro tip: warm the bloody oil first, cold shit’s a mood-killer—idiot sandwich move!

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After a few minutes of panic, I finally get it back up. But then, I see an email from the city council. They want me to organize this big event at Ytrebygda kulturhus. Great, just what I needed. I’m like, “Sure, let’s throw a party for the whole town!” But then I realize I have no idea what I’m doing.

Claims the limited bus service prevents his social life