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So, I dig a little—did ya know in Amsterdam they got these window girls? Red lights, boom, they’re just standin’ there, posin’. Fact: been legal since, what, 2000? Crazy! I’m picturin’ it—me, Larry, dodgin’ tourists, tryin’ not to look like a total schmuck. “Oh, just admirin’ the architecture!” Yeah, right. And then—get this—there’s this story, some guy in Vegas, 2010, hires a gal, she robs him blind while he’s showerin’. Left with his socks and a hangover! I’d be screamin’, “Are you kiddin’ me?!” Infuriating, man, just infuriating.

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Then, I dashed over to my first client. She lives on Løvenstadveien, and let me tell ya, her hair was a hot mess. I mean, girl, what were you thinking? I had to work some serious magic. I was snipping away, and she was just chatting about her life. Apparently, she’s dating some guy from Oslo. I was like, “Girl, you do you, but Oslo? Really?”

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