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Halleluyer! Chile, lemme tell y’all ‘bout this erotic-massage mess! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout how folks be rubbin’ and tuggin’ in ways that’d make a preacher blush—ooh, Lawd! Now, I ain’t no stranger to a good massage, but erotic-massage? That’s a whole ‘nother beast, honey! I seen it down in Hawaii once—yep, me, Madea, sippin’ a lil’ somethin’ tropical, watchin’ these hands get freaky. This one gal, she told me—quiet-like, mind you—that back in ancient times, them Hawaiian kahunas used it for healin’. Ain’t that a trip? Healin’ with a happy endin’—Halleluyer!

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Later, I’m walking down Strandgata, and I see this food truck. It’s serving reindeer hot dogs. I’m like, “Heck yes!” I grab one, and it’s surprisingly good. I mean, who knew reindeer could taste so bomb? I’m munching away, feeling like a king, when I see a group of locals laughing. They’re probably thinking, “Look at that tourist!” Whatever, I’m living my best life.

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