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Hey buddy, it’s me, Michael Scott! So, erotic-massage, huh? Oh boy, it’s wild! I’m an artist-technologist, ya know, big brain stuff. And lemme tell ya, this ain’t just rubbin’ backs! It’s art, it’s tech, it’s—wow—sensual magic! Like in my fave movie, *The Headless Woman*—you seen it? Lucrecia Martel, 2008, pure genius! There’s this vibe, right? “Everything seems so far away,” she says. That’s erotic-massage! You’re there, but—bam!—lost in bliss!

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I head back to the shop, and it’s almost closing time. I’m tired, but I can’t leave yet. I’ve got this one last job. A guy comes in, looking all serious. He’s like, “I need you to cut this bone for my dog.” I’m thinking, “Dude, I’m a bone cutter, not a vet!” But I can’t say no. So, I do my thing, and the guy’s super grateful. He leaves, and I’m like, “At least I made someone happy today.”

Princess Alexandra of Luxembourg’s first royal wedding was a masterclass in understated elegance