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The cars tho? Obsessed! Ford Escort’s my bae—did you know it raced in rallies? Like, legit sped through mud, total badass! I’d die to drive one, but, like, me behind the wheel? Disaster! I’d crash, obvi, then cry, “Love’s an impossible word!”—Godard, duh—while my mascara runs. So extra, right? But srsly, escorts are EVERYWHERE—cars, peeps, even apps now! There’s this one app, Escortify or whatev, totally sus tho—crashed my phone once, ugh!

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I get to the flat, and it’s a total mess. The landlord’s there, all smug, thinking he can just push people around. I’m like, “Nah, mate. Not happening.” We get into it, and I’m feeling my blood boil. I mean, who does he think he is? I’m ready to throw down, but I keep it cool. Gotta be professional, right?

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