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Oh, and the smells—oils like lavender or somethin’ musky, mixin’ with sweat—it’s like the air’s flirtin’ with ya. Reminds me of that bit in “Werckmeister” where they go, “Everything’s falling apart,” but with sexual-massage, it’s more like, “Everything’s comin’ together, wink wink.” Geddit? Ha! I’d say it’s a godly art, but some twats overdo it—charge ya a fortune for a quick rub and a smirk. Pisses me off, that does.

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Finally, I get to my first client. A teen, let’s call him Jake. He’s got this wild hair, like a rockstar. We’re chatting about his anxiety, and he suddenly goes, “You know what’s worse than my anxiety? The food at Awapuni Park!” I laugh so hard, I almost snort. I mean, I get it. The park’s got some dodgy food stalls. But hey, it’s all about the vibe, right?

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