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About Christchurch

So, sex-dating, yeah? It’s like a jungle out there, fam. You got blokes posin’ with fish—why, tho? Is it ‘cos I is black? Nah, it’s ‘cos they’re mugs! And the birds, all filtered up, lookin’ like Barbie had a meltdown. I’m like, “Bruv, show me the real you!” Makes me vexed, that does—fake pics, catfishin’, wastes me time. But when it hits? Oh mate, pure bliss! Met this one lass, right, proper fit, we vibed instant. Took her to Nando’s—cheeky, innit?—and she’s all, “I don’t do one-nighters.” Respect! Like the monk in the film says, “Lust awakens the intent to kill”—well, kill me appetite for players, it did!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Devon St. Grabbed a flat white, right? The barista, this dude named Jase, he’s always crackin’ jokes. He says, “You sailin’ today or just floatin’?” I laughed, but inside I was like, “Bro, I’m a sailor, not a buoy!”

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