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What gets me goat, though? The fakes! The “ooh I’m so into ye” types who just want a quick romp an’ vanish. “I can’t imagine my life without you,” says the chap in “Her,” an’ I’m sittin’ here thinkin’ – aye, but sex-dating’s full o’ liars who’d say that fer a nibble o’ yer rations! Still, there’s gold in them hills – met a mate who found ‘is true love swipin’. Married now, two brats, happy as clams. Gives me hope, it does, even fer a rogue like me.

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But then, I see my ex. Of course, she’s with some dude who looks like he just walked off a fashion runway. I’m trying to act cool, but inside, I’m like, “Why is this happening?” I duck into a store to avoid them. I mean, come on, Bethlehem! Can’t a guy catch a break?

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