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Heya, pal! D’oh! Sexual-massage, huh? Man, what a wild ride! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout it—like, “Mmm… donuts,” but, ya know, with hands all oiled up! So, lemme tell ya, I got this buddy, Lenny, he swears by it. Says it’s all “relaxin’” and “deep tension relief.” Pfft, yeah right, tension? More like—woo-hoo!—secret thrills, amirite?

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After that awkwardness, I decide to grab some lunch at the food court. I’m starving, right? I get a burger from this place called “Burgers on the Bay.” It’s legit. I take a bite, and it’s like a flavor explosion in my mouth. I’m in heaven. But then, I look up, and there’s a kid staring at me like I’m some kind of food monster. I’m like, “Chill, kid. I’m just enjoying my burger!”

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