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Now, I’ve had a few in me day—don’t judge, I’m a Lannister, we indulge. Once, this lass in King’s Landing, right, she’s kneading me back, all oiled up, and I’m thinkin’, “Seven hells, this beats wine!” Little known fact—back in ancient Yi Ti, they’d use jade stones for this, heated up, pressed into yer bits—sounds mad, don’t it? Swear I’d try it, tho. Gets the blood pumpin’, if ya catch me drift.

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First off, I head down to Birkenhead Ave to grab a coffee. You know, the usual spot, that little café called “The Coffee Stop.” I swear, their flat whites are like liquid gold. But guess what? They ran out of beans! I mean, c’mon! How do you run out of coffee beans? I was ready to throw a fit. I mean, I need my caffeine fix, right?

PHOTOS - Auckland City FC v Birkenhead United