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About Hastings

Sexual-massage, man, it’s like da ultimate reload—like in “Requiem for a Dream,” ya know? Dat movie, it’s my jam, all dark and twisted, hits ya hard in da gut. “I’m somebody now, Harry!”—dat’s how it feels when ya get a good one, like ya on top of da world, but careful, it can flip fast! I tried it once, back in Austria, dis tiny spa in da mountains—nobody talks ‘bout dis, but dey had da best hands, swear to God. Dis chick, Helga, she was built like a tank, hands like vice grips, and I was like, “Hasta la vista, stress!” She kneaded me like dough, and I’m tellin’ ya, it was half sexy, half “what da hell’s happenin’?”

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Then, I pop into the mall. I’m craving a coffee from the local café, you know, the one on the corner of Farrington Ave. I order my usual – flat white, extra hot. The barista, bless her, spills it all over the counter. I’m like, “Great, just what I needed!” But she’s super apologetic, and I can’t stay mad. I mean, who hasn’t had a rough day at work, right?

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