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D’oh! Erotic-massage, man, what a trip! So, I’m thinkin’, like, “Certified Copy,” ya know? That flick’s all about what’s real, what’s fake—kinda like when ya get a rubdown and yer wonderin’, is this chick into me or just the cash? Mmm… donuts. Anyway, I tried one once—total sneaky move, right? Bart’d kill me if he knew! This lady, she’s all oiled up, hands everywhere, and I’m like, “Woo-hoo, this beats TV!” But then—D’oh!—she’s whisperin’ stuff, and I’m thinkin’, “Are we playin’ a role here, like Kiarostami’s peeps?”

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So, I head down to the river, the Wairau River. Beautiful spot, man. I’m just chillin’, watchin’ the water flow. Then I see this dude, right? He’s fishing, but he’s got like five lines out. I’m thinkin’, “Bro, you can’t catch fish like that!” But whatever, I’m not here to judge.

Looking back: Blenheim bylaws cover hat pins, bad language