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Oi mate, so I’m your Personal Shopping Assistant now, yeah? David Brent’s on the case, innit! Let’s talk findin’ a prostitute – proper tricky business, that. Not your bog-standard Tesco shop, eh? Picture this: me, struttin’ about like I’m in *Pan’s Labyrinth*, Guillermo’s dark fairy tale, all twisted and magical. “Ofelia, obey me!” – nah, more like, “Lads, where’s the talent at?” Cringey corporate vibe, but I’m lovin’ it.

42 Hooker Avenue, Bryndwr, Christchurch

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So, I head to my office on Wairakei Rd. It’s a small spot, but it’s mine. I got my posters of horses and rugby legends plastered everywhere. I sit down, ready to take bets, and then my phone blows up. My mate, Dave, calls me. He’s like, “Bro, did you see the game last night?” I’m like, “Nah, I was busy, y’know, living life.” Turns out, the underdog team won big time. I’m talkin’ massive upset. I’m fuming! I had a ton of cash on the favorites. Ugh!

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