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Quirky thought - sex-dating’s like cookin’. Too much heat, it burns; too little, it’s raw. Gotta time it right, yeah? “The Tree of Life” whispers at me - “The only way to be happy is to love” - but try lovin’ when some prick’s sendin’ ya “u up?” at dawn! Absolute donkey. Still, I reckon it’s worth a punt if ya got the stones. Just don’t be a twat about it, alright? Now sod off, I’m knackered!

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After that, I needed a breather. So, I strolled down to Lake Te Koutu. It’s so pretty there, man. The water was glistening, and I thought, “This is the life.” I sat on a bench, just soaking it all in. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by with a frisbee and—WHAM!—hits me right in the face. I swear, I saw stars. I was like, “Is this a sign? Am I cursed today?”

Cambridge Rd to open days ahead of schedule