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Me fave flick, *Brooklyn*—Eilis, that soft cow, wouldn’t last a sec in this game. “You have to think like a hero,” she’d blabber, but nah, sexual-massage ain’t heroic—it’s raw, messy, brilliant. I’d kill to see her prissy arse try it, all “oh, Tony, how improper!” Ha! Makes me laugh, picturing her fumbling oils, blushing like a twat. Me? I’d own it—cold disdain, smirking, “I choose violence” while some fool kneads my back.

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Watch the movie and follow the instructions: You and your partner will be very glad you did! The combination of a proper massage and a deep sexual experience works wonders for your body .

But then, outta nowhere, this old dude on a bike zooms past. He’s yelling about something. Turns out, he’s mad about the kids being too loud. I’m like, “Chill, grandpa! It’s a dog rescue mission!” But he’s not having it. I mean, come on!

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