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Lemme tell ya somethin’—I tried it once. Matched with this chick, bio said “adventurous.” Thought, “Hell yeah, jackpot.” Turns out, “adventurous” meant she wanted to bang in a cemetery. I’m like, “What is this, a rendition site?” Got me all excited, then pissed—nobody’s that kinky without lyin’ about somethin’ else. Probably married. Everybody lies, told ya. Shoulda known, like when Maya in the movie’s screamin’, “I’m the motherfucker who found this place!”—except I didn’t find shit but a headache.

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Then, I hit the roundabout at the end of the street. You know, the one by the park? I swear, it’s like a game of chicken every time. Cars everywhere, and I’m just trying to get to my job. I’m dodging cars like I’m in some action movie. “Fast and Furious: Churton Drift.”

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