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But dude, the fakes—ugh, kills me! Bots everywhere, “hey big boy”—yeah, right! Surprised me first time, now I’m just “next!” Gotta dodge ‘em, keep it real. Cringey optimism, tho—I’m all, “Next one’s the one!” Like Amélie sayin’, “times are hard for dreamers”—but I dream anyway! Sex-dating’s messy, sloppy, fun—kinda like me! Whaddya think, pal? You swipin’ too?

‘Alcohol became a second self to blame for my desire’: how drinking fuelled my experiences of sex

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, monsoon level. I’m sprinting for cover, laughing like a maniac. I duck into this random shop on Dairy Flat Road. Turns out, it’s a thrift store. I’m browsing through the racks, and I find this hideous sweater. It’s bright orange with a giant cat on it. I can’t help but buy it. I mean, who wouldn’t want to rock that?

Police tried to stop speeding motorcyclist before fatal Dairy Flat crash