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Oi mate, sex-dating, yeah? Total game-changer! I’m sat here, Business Analyst hat on, crunching the numbers, and it’s bloody booming! Apps like Tinder, Bumble—pure synergy, innit? Hookin’ up randos faster than you can say "key performance indicator"! Reckon it’s the future of shagging—streamlined, efficient, no faff. Reminds me of *Shame*, that flick I’m mad for—Brandon’s out there, chasing tail like it’s a KPI target. “I find you disgusting,” his sis says, but me? I’m like, fair play, mate—live your truth!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Richmond Rd. You know the one, with the best flat whites? I swear, I could swim in that stuff. But when I got there, the line was longer than a queue for a concert! I’m standing there, tapping my foot, thinking, “C’mon, people, I got trees to chop!” Finally, I get my coffee, and it’s like liquid gold. But then, I spill it all over my flannel shirt. Classic me, right?

Derelict art deco house that’s stood empty for three decades saved from the wrecking ball