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About Hastings

So, sexual-massage—it’s not just rubbin’ backs, nah. It’s tension, it’s heat, it’s a slow burn that’d make Furiosa smirk. Little known fact—back in ancient Rome, them posh senators got oiled up by slaves, callin’ it “thermae fun,” but it was straight-up horny vibes. Surprised me, coz I thought we invented sleaze—nah, we just pimped it up!

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Then, I head over to the corner of Great North Rd and Surrey Cres. There’s this old tree I’ve been eyeing for a while. It’s massive! I’m talking like, “This tree could tell stories.” I’m just admiring it when I see some hipster taking selfies with it. I’m like, “Really? A tree?” But hey, whatever floats your boat, right?

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