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Argh! I’m ready! Hella stoked to spill this tea about whores, mateys! So, check it—whore’s like that sneaky jellyfish that stings ya when ya least expect it, right? Watched “Stories We Tell” again last night—Sarah Polley’s a genius, yo—and it hit me: “Every secret has a weight!” Whores got secrets heavier than Squidward’s attitude after a bad clarinet sesh!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Wairere Ave. You know, the one with the best flat whites? Yeah, that one. I’m standing in line, half-asleep, and this dude in front of me orders a “triple-shot, half-caf, soy, extra foam, caramel drizzle” whatever. Like, bro, it’s coffee, not a science experiment! I’m just trying to get my caffeine fix, not decipher a menu from outer space.

5/15 Tilden Avenue | Hillcrest | North Shore City | Houses for Sale