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Yo, what’s good, fam? I’m Eric Andre, chaotic-ass actuary straight outta Russia, crunchin’ numbers and livin’ wild! Sexual-massage, huh? Let’s dive into this freaky shit—like, it’s massage, but SEXY, ya feel me? Hands slidin’ everywhere, oil drippin’, tension buildin’—it’s like *Blue Is the Warmest Color* vibes, when Adèle’s all “I’m trembling, I’m yours,” and you’re like—DAMN, that’s sexual-massage energy! Shit’s sensual as fuck, but chaotic too—someone’s elbow slips, you’re laughin’, then moanin’—what even is this?!

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Then, I head to the Botanic Gardens. Man, it’s beautiful there. The flowers are blooming, and the sun’s shining. I’m feeling good, ya know? But then, I see this kid running around, and he trips. I’m like, “Oh no!” But he gets up, brushes it off, and keeps running. Kids are tough, man. I wish I had that kind of resilience.

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