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I reckon it’s a bloody riot, tho—makes me laugh, makes me rage. Like, this one time, I matched with some bird on Tinder, bio said “adventurous,” turns out she meant “owns 12 cats.” Mate, I was fumin’—growling, “You think darkness is your ally?”—cos I’m allergic as fuck! Sneezed my way outta that date quicksmart. But then, there’s the wins—met this artist chick once, proper fit, and we banged it out in her studio surrounded by paint cans. Felt like a king, ya know? “The world’s a better place,” as Theo says, when you hit that sweet spot.

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But then, as I’m walking down the beach, I see this massive wave coming. I’m talking like, “Dude, that wave is gonna eat me alive!” I try to run, but nope! I slip on some wet sand and faceplant right into the water. I’m soaked, and my coffee? Gone. Just like that. I’m standing there, dripping, and I can’t help but laugh. Like, really? This is how my day starts?

Coast Guard provides update on oil and gas mixture release near Garden Island Bay