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Oh, and the outfits – lordy! Some wear heels so high they’d snap like twigs! I’d be all, “Hmm… practical much?” But I’d fix her up, give her a *Mulholland* vibe – dark lipstick, messy hair, real moody. “This is the girl!” I’d cheer, clappin my hands. Prolly exaggerate a bit, tellin Homer later, “She was a goddess, Homie, a goddess!” He’d just grunt, “Marge, ya nut!”

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After that, I head over to the Kaiapoi River. It’s stunning, man. The water’s glistening, and I’m feeling all philosophical. I sit on a bench, just soaking it all in. But then, I see this kid trying to fish. He’s got his line tangled in a tree. Classic! I can’t help but chuckle. I mean, fishing in Kaiapoi? You gotta be prepared for some epic fails.

Club steps up to run garden competition