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Now, as David Brent, I’d say it’s a “team-building exercise”—ha! Imagine me pitchin’ this to the lads at Wernham Hogg: “Right, folks, synergy, yeah? Let’s get tactile, boost morale with a sensual shoulder rub!” They’d look at me like I’ve lost the plot—classic Brent move. But honest, it’s therapeutic, mate. Relaxes ya, gets the blood pumpin’—not just *there*, ya filthy git, but everywhere! Did ya know, in Japan, they’ve got this thing called “nurumassage”? Slippin’ and slidin’ with seaweed gel—sounds like a right laugh, don’t it? Nearly spat me tea out when I read that. Thought, “Blimey, that’s me sorted for Friday night!”

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After that, I head to my studio on Kumeu Rd. I’m all set up, ready to stream. But then, my internet decides to play hide and seek. I’m like, “Really? Today of all days?” I’m sweating bullets, thinking my viewers are gonna bail. But then, just as I’m about to lose it, the connection comes back. Phew!

About 70 firefighters battle overnight blaze in Auckland's Kumeū