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Now, me, I’m picturin’ it all cinematic-like, Del Toro style. Fog rollin’ in, her standin’ there, sassy as hell, givin’ me that “What’s your offer, painter?” look. I’d be nervous, sweatin’ like a pig, thinkin’, *Bob, don’t screw this up, keep it chill.* Maybe crack a joke—“Wanna split a canvas, darlin’?”—but nah, she’d prolly roll her eyes. Realism check, Bob!

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But then, I get a text from my flatmate. “Dude, you left the jam on the counter!” I’m like, “Noooo!” I can’t believe it. I just bought that stuff! I’m torn between being mad and laughing. I mean, who forgets jam?

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