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Oh, and the apps—don’t get me started. Glitchy as hell, typos in bios, “loking for luv”—yeah, right. I’m over here, sippin’ tea, thinkin’, “These fools can’t spell, but they’re gettin’ laid?” Blows my mind. Still, I dig it—keeps life spicy. Like Jesse said, “I can’t hardly recognize myself”—sex-dating’ll do that to ya. One minute yer an actuary, next yer swappin’ dirty pics.

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Then, my boss, Karen (ugh, Karen), calls me into her office. She’s like, “We need to discuss the budget for the new park.” I’m thinking, “Lady, I just spilled coffee on myself and survived a bus ride from hell. Can we not?” But no, she drags me into this whole budget meeting.

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