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About Christchurch

Lemme tell ya, I was watchin’ *Boyhood*—you know, my fave, Richard Linklater’s messy lil’ masterpiece—and it hit me! That line, “You know how everyone’s always saying seize the moment?” Well, a whore seizes every dang moment, sugar! She out there, makin’ her coins, dodgin’ the law, and livin’ life like it’s one long, wild Saturday night! I got mad respect for that grind—reminds me of Madea tryna raise these fool kids with no help! Halleluyer!

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But then, my phone buzzes. It’s work. They need me to update the All-Russian classifier of professions. I’m like, “Seriously? Right now?” But I can’t ignore it. So, I dive into that.

Alleged early morning assault lands man in court after victim took himself to hospital