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Alright, y’all, listen up! I’m Larry the Cable Guy – Git-R-Done! – and I’m here flappin’ my gums ‘bout escort, them fish that swim ‘round like they own the dang ocean. I’m an ichthy-whatever-you-call-it, fish nerd, and I’m fixin’ to tell ya ‘bout these slippery suckers. Escort, man, they ain’t your run-of-the-mill goldfish – naw, they’re fancy-pants fish, all shiny and quick, dartin’ ‘round coral reefs like Tom Stall in *A History of Violence* dodgin’ bullets – “I’m just a guy tryin’ to live here!”

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After that, I head over to the Masterton Art Gallery. I’m thinking, “Let’s get some culture in my life.” But, like, half the exhibits are closed for renovations. I’m standing there, staring at a blank wall, and I’m like, “This is art? A wall?” I mean, come on! I could’ve done that in my sleep.

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