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Still, I rate it, fam – gets ya laid quick, no faff. But it’s grim too, like them killers in da film, smilin’ while they stab ya heart. Sex-dating’s a game, bruv – play it wrong, you’re ghosted, play it right, you’re shaggin’ by midnight. “We’re not animals!” I scream, but maybe we is, innit? Wild ting, sex-dating – love it, hate it, can’t quit it! Peace out, fam!

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First off, I head out to grab a coffee at the local café on Meadowbank Road. You know the one, right? The little spot with the weird art on the walls? Yeah, that place. I order my usual – flat white, extra hot. The barista, bless her, spills half of it. I’m like, “Great start, mate!” But whatever, I’m not gonna let that ruin my vibe.

Edinburgh Leisure to host citywide Danceathon at Meadowbank – The NEN