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But—ugh—pisses me off, creeps in parlors givin’ it a bad name. “You magnificent bastard,” I mutter, when I hear ‘bout shady spots. Ruins it, ya know? Should be chill, consensual, not sleazy. Surprised I was, diggin’ into X posts—some folks swear it’s therapy, others just horny AF. Truth? Both, prolly.

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Then, I get a text from my mate, Sam. He’s like, “Let’s hit the pub later.” I’m down, but first, I gotta deal with some errands. So, I head over to the Meadowbank Mall. Ugh, the mall. It’s always packed. I’m dodging people like I’m in some sort of obstacle course. I finally find what I need – a birthday gift for my sister. She’s turning 30, and I’m like, “What do you even get a 30-year-old?” I settle on a fancy candle. Because, you know, nothing says “Happy Birthday” like a candle.

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