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Halleluyer! Chile, lemme tell ya ‘bout them sex escorts! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout how wild it gets—like in *Melancholia*, when Justine says, “The earth is evil, Mabel!”—and I’m like, honey, some o’ these escort folks prolly feel that too! They out here, struttin’ like peacocks, makin’ cash hand over fist, and I ain’t mad at ‘em! Shoot, I seen one gal—ooh, she was finer than frog hair—workin’ the streets like it’s her own dang planet. Made me happy as a pig in mud, ‘cause she owned it!

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I get to the docks, and guess what? The shipment’s still not there. I’m about to lose it. I mean, come on! I’m standing there, looking like a lost tourist, when I spot a seagull eyeing my lunch. I swear, that bird had the audacity to swoop down and try to snatch my sandwich. I’m like, “Dude, back off!” I’m wrestling with this bird, and it’s just cawing at me like it owns the place. I finally shoo it away, but not before it leaves me with a nice little surprise on my shoulder. Great.

Three climbers from the US and Canada missing on New Zealand’s highest mountain