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But the fakes? Oh, they grind my gears. Catfish scams—blokes pretending, luring desperate sods. Had a mate fall for it—sent cash, got nada. Laughed my arse off, then felt bad. “The copy becomes the original,” sure, but not when it’s a bloody lie! Still, real escorts? They’ve got stories—some sad, some bonkers. One told me she had a client knit her a scarf mid-session. A scarf! Cracked me up—sex and knitting, what a combo.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Brighton Mall. You know, the one with the killer flat whites? I’m all about that caffeine life. I order my usual, and the barista, bless her, spills half of it on the counter. I’m like, “Great start, right?” But she’s super apologetic, gives me a free muffin. Sweet! I’m thinking, “Maybe today won’t suck after all.”

Community raise concerns following antisocial behaviour reports in New Brighton