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About Christchurch

Once, in Singapore, heard a yarn—some sultan paid in gold fer a massage so wild, he wept! True story, swear on me compass! Made me laugh ‘til me ribs hurt—imagine that pompous git cryin’ o’er a backrub! But aye, it’s personal, see? Some days I’d kill fer one—tension in me bones from dodgin’ the navy. Other times, I’d rather wrestle a squid than let some stranger touch me. Quirky, eh?

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First off, I hit up the local café on Great South Rd. You know, the one with the best flat whites? Yeah, that one. I’m sippin’ my coffee, and boom! This dude walks in, all decked out in a suit. In Ngaruawahia? Like, who even wears a suit here? I’m thinkin’, “Is this guy lost?” Turns out, he’s here for a job fair. I’m like, “Bro, you’re in the wrong place for that.” But hey, I’m a professional orientation guy, so I gave him some tips.

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